Fresh Scars, Old Wounds
by pandorabox82
Summary: When Bernie unexpectedly returns to Holby after a three year absence, Serena finds herself dealing not on with the old wounds that mark her heart, but the fresh scar left on her body by a freak attack. But will Bernie's return bring about the healing that Serena so desperately needs?


Serena stared quietly into her mirror. In the last three years, many things had changed about her, not the least was the wicked looking scar that extended from just under her left breast to stop almost six inches lower. It had taken all Henrik and Sacha had to get her patched up and healing from the attack, but she was finally on the mend, though with a wonderful parting gift to remember the incident by. Sighing a little, she ran her fingers along the angry pink line before letting her blouse fall back around her torso as she touched up her lipstick before creeping out of the toilets and heading over to her office. She had managed to avoid everyone thus far that morning, and she was hoping to keep it that way for a few minutes longer, since she didn't want any fuss.

"I heard that you were coming back today after your holiday."

The familiar voice caused Serena to jump a little, and she pressed her hand tightly to her chest as she whirled around to see a ghost from her past seated on the sofa, a large grin on her face. "I, I didn't know you were back in England. Last I heard from Cameron, you had decided to take a posting in northern Scotland."

"It was only a short-term post, and then a posting here at Holby opened up at the perfect time. Seems like they're expanding the trauma unit here, and Connie rang up to ask if I'd like to be co-lead with her. As it would bring me closer to my family, I didn't hesitate to say yes."

Serena nodded dumbly as she crossed over to her desk and sank down into her chair. It was a bad habit, but her hand still instinctively went to her scar, running her fingers over it. Glancing up at Bernie, she couldn't help but see that the woman tracked the movements with her gaze, and she flushed a little as she pulled her hand away, trying not to feel guilty about that fact that she hadn't told her friend what had happened to her. It had been difficult enough to lie to Jason, not wanting him to worry about her on top of taking care of Guinevere and Caroline. The silence stretched between them into a crackly tension, and Serena looked back down into her lap as she blindly reached out to turn her computer on before drawing in a deep breath. "So, have you found a place to let?"

"Cam's letting me stay with him for a week until I can find a suitable place. There were a few that I liked, but I won't be able to see them until tomorrow," she replied evenly. Serena looked up to see that Bernie was looking at her, studying her, really, and she flushed a little under the scrutiny, but decided to meet her gaze, not wanting to let her know that she was so unnerved by her sudden reappearance. "I just thought I'd let you know I was here before you heard it through the grapevine."

"Thank you, I appreciate that. So, how have you been?"

There was still that odd tension between them, and Serena knew it arose from both the secret she was keeping, and the fact that they hadn't really talked in six months, since she had returned to the same island that Serena resided on, even if she was in far flung Scotland. "I've been good. Life has treated me well. And you? Did you enjoy your recent trip?"

Serena found herself blushing a little harder as she nodded. "It was lovely." The smile on her lips felt strained, and Bernie's brow furrowed together as she leaned forward and covered Serena's knee with her hand, squeezing lightly. "I can't lie to you, can I? Even after all this time has passed between us, you can still see the best and worst in me. It's not fair, really."

Bernie shrugged a little as she pulled Serena closer to her, her hands spreading out across the arms of the chair as she kept an even gaze on her. It didn't take long before the first tears started welling up in her eyes, and that was when she closed her eyes, letting them fall down her cheeks as she allowed Bernie to tug her down onto the sofa, bundling her up in her arms as Serena's quiet cries turned into harsh sobs. This wasn't how she expected to her first day back to work to be, that much was certain, and she nuzzled her face into the scratchy fabric of Bernie's jumper as she tried to collect her emotions.

"Well, this is not quite the welcome back that I was expecting, though Connie did say that I might have to tiptoe around you for a little while. When I pressed her for more information, she just said that Henrik and Sacha were being overprotective of you, for very good reason. What happened?"

She pursed her lips together tightly as she fought to find the words to tell Bernie. She hadn't told anyone, besides the police, though fat lot of good that had done, since they hadn't been able to locate her assailant, and it had been so dark when she was attacked that she hadn't gotten a clear look at his face. All she knew was the rough sound of his voice, unidentifiable to her, useless to her case. At least he hadn't raped her, she had thought when waking up from the surgery. Henrik had been a faithful bedside companion, reading to her, helping her recovery, even while he had his own partner to look after.

"Serena? Henrik wanted me to check in and see if you were…" Roxanna's voice caused her to pull her head away from Bernie, and she looked over at her colleague, knowing that she would most likely tell Henrik how upset she looked. "Oh, I didn't know that you had a visitor. Hello, Ms Wolfe."

"Ms MacMillan. Why would Henrik want to check in on Serena?" There was a slightly defensive note in Bernie's voice, and Serena smiled at that sound, so glad that those tender feelings still remained in Bernie's heart for her. Serena watched Roxanna come in the office, closing the door behind her and locking it before taking a seat next to Bernie.

"There was an incident a short while ago that I would have thought Serena would have told you about, seeing as how you're one of her closest friends. But it appears that this is not the case. Serena?"

"I, I was trying to find the words when you came in, actually. I think I'm going to need some time to get through this, though."

"Of course, take your time." Roxanna gave her a soft smile before reaching out and patting her shoulder lightly. "Henrik can come down and watch the ward for you whilst I head up to Keller. I am just so glad that you're here, I hope you know."

"I am so glad to be here, as well," she replied as she let her head come to rest back on Bernie's chest. "And thank you for checking in on me. You and Henrik have been such good friends over the years." Roxanna nodded as she rose to her feet, heading back over to the door and unlocking it before letting herself out. Serena's smile faded a little as she nuzzled her cheek against Bernie's chest. A part of her wanted to just disappear into Bernie, to become a part of the woman she still loved, though she knew that was impossible.

A tiny hiccup of a breath escaped her mouth when Bernie kissed the top of her head in an effort to comfort her, and then she was pulling away from Bernie so that she could look up at her, knowing that it would be easier if she had a familiar, comfortable, face to look at as she spoke. "Take your time, Serena." Bernie gave her a gentle smile as she reached out and took hold of her hand, holding on tightly as she continued to smile.

"I, I almost died four months ago." Bernie's hand tightened painfully around hers, and Serena had to shake her hand a little to get her attention, in order to get her to loosen her grip. "I was heading out to my car after a late shift, and decided for some bloody stupid reason to detour into the peace garden and I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings all that well. I was stabbed before I knew what was happening, and the wanker made off with my purse while leaving me to bleed out on the ground. Thankfully, Lofty was just coming in for a late shift and heard me moaning on the ground. If he hadn't gotten there and started life saving measures in that moment, you would have been returning her much sooner for my funeral."

"And you're just now returning to work?" Bernie let go of her hand to wrap her arm around Serena's shoulder, pulling her close to her chest as she started to stroke her arm. "What happened?"

"The blade went deeper than Sacha thought, and I lost a lot of blood. I spent two days in a medically induced coma, and then another four days in hospital. Thankfully, Jason and Greta had gone to visit her parents at that time, and so missed the initial bits of my tribulation. I managed to convince Henrik to tell Jason that I had gone on holiday, to explain my absence. Which was partially true! Since the unfortunate event took place on hospital grounds, he was more than willing to put me up in a very nice hotel so that I could recuperate in peace."

As she told her story to someone else for the first time, Serena felt like a giant weight was being lifted from her shoulders, and as she burst into tears once more, she welcomed Bernie bundling her up close, murmuring in her ear soft words of love as she rocked them back and forth. When she had finally calmed a little, she let Bernie push her away a little so that she could look at her. "I should be furious, as a friend, that you didn't tell me what had happened. I would have come to your side in a heartbeat, and helped you recuperate. You shouldn't have had to do that alone."

"I wasn't alone, Henrik and Roxanna took good care of me, and Sacha checked in on me when he could. And I liked the solitude, it allowed me to reflect and take stock of my life. I miss you, and now that you're here, in front of me, I realise that I have missed out on so much love by tricking myself into believing that we were such different animals that we could never work. I caught Greta's bouquet, and there has not been one person in this city or this world that I could even consider myself marrying. There was only you. It was always you. And do you know what hurts the worst?"

"What?"

Serena bit her lip before taking a deep breath. "You're no longer mine. I have no claim to your heart, at all. This scar on my torso hurts less than that knowledge. Because even though you're here, so close to me, we might as well still be miles apart." She caressed Bernie's face before getting up and heading across the office so that she could regroup herself.

"May, may I see your scar? You've seen all of mine."

She laughed a little as she turned to look at Bernie, seeing that she was by her side once more. "You don't want to see it. It's so ugly. And I don't know if I can open myself up to you like that, knowing that you're not mine. I can't ask that of you, it would be so selfish of me…"

Her words were cut off by a tender kiss, and she sank into Bernie, relishing just how right everything felt. "It is never selfish to want something so much, Serena." The whispered words were like a balm over her wounded heart, and she nodded a little before kissing Bernie back, hoping that this was the reconciliation that she had longed for for so long. "I was hoping that we could start again, that we could get things right this time, and help heal the old wounds that our parting left on our hearts. I, I just really hope that we haven't left things too long."

"I don't think we have, no. But this time, I think we should take things slow? Because we need some time to grow together again, after being apart for so long." Bernie nodded before cupping her face gently, swiping her thumb against the residue of tears on her cheek. "Do you still want to see my scar?"

"If you want to be that open, yes."

Serena drew in a deep breath as she nodded. Glancing over at the windows in her office, she checked to make certain that there was no one lurking about before turning to back to Bernie and lifting her blouse above her bra. She sucked in a low breath when Bernie's fingers ran over the scar, the feel of another person's hand touching it making it all the more real to her. "It's a little more unsightly than your c-section scar. Because at least something beautiful came as a result."

"Hush, Serena," Bernie said before she crouched down and examined the scar a little more closely before she leaned forward and kissed it tenderly. It was a callback to the way that Serena had loved on her c-section scar back in the early days of their relationship, and Serena burst into tears once more, feeling overwhelmed by a tidal wave of love and regret. Her knees buckled a little, and Bernie caught her before she fell to the floor, bundling her up in a warm hug. "I came very close to not being able to say I love you ever again."

"Yes."

"You should have told me. I know, I've said that already, but it's still true. But I'm here now."

"You are." Serena dared enough to lift her face and kiss the first bit of Bernie that she could find with her lips, making a soft sound of happiness in the back of her throat when Bernie shifted her face as well in order to kiss her lips tenderly. "But I don't suppose that I can ask you to stay with me now, can I?"

"You never know until you try. And who knows, maybe I've finally started to let old wounds heal."

She pressed her lips together and took a deep breath before pulling away from Bernie so that she could look into her eyes. "Rather than looking for a place of your own, would you want to stay at mine? I have a spare room, and you'd get all the toddler snuggles you could ever want when Guinevere is over. I can't promise good meals, we both know I'm shite at finding the time to cook, but I can promise the best takeout a girl could wish for."

"And perhaps that's all I would ask for. At least we could save on petrol costs, if we carpool to work. There are quite a lot of good things to come from my staying at yours. That way, as we take things slow, we can still spend a lot of time together, but head to separate rooms if it gets to be too much. And I can look after that wound of yours a little more closely, too. Wouldn't want it to get infected or anything like that."

Serena knew that Bernie was teasing her, just a little, but she was grateful for it, after the months of silence between them. And while she knew that things wouldn't be easy between them, not at first, she knew that they were well on their way to becoming a partnership once more. "Heaven forfend. And you should probably get down to the ED. I'd hate for Connie to be out for your head on your first shift back here." Bernie cackled a little as she nodded, helping Serena to her feet before pulling her into a tight hug. "And bring Cameron round tonight for supper. He might as well find out what's happened from our own lips."

"All right." Bernie screwed her face up into that squinty smile she had loved so much. "Though I am going to ask you to do something, for both of us. I'm going to want you to tell Jason the truth about what happened. I know how much it hurts your heart when you keep the truth from those you love."

She swallowed thickly as she nodded. "I suppose that I can do that. It really is time I let him know, since it's been the hospital's worst kept secret since Connie and Elle started seeing each other. Honestly, we were able to keep a lower profile, and there were some of the worst gossips on our ward at the time!" Serena gave Bernie a small wink as she followed her to the door. "Thank you for loving me, scars and all."

"Scars are what make us who we are. And because I love you, I love every part of you, as well. I'll see you in ten hours?"

"I'll be waiting with bells on," she shot back, her eyes tracking Bernie's movements as she went to the lift, only catching Donna's knowing look when Bernie had disappeared from view. "Not one word from you, Mrs Duvall!"

"I wouldn't dream of it, Ms Campbell," she replied, giving Serena a broad wink before turning back to her work. And for the first time in years, Serena felt like things were finally on the path to normalcy and true happiness, her old wounds starting to mend with the knowledge that Bernie was back in her life.


End file.
